


Blisters

by variasmist



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's, Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
Genre: M/M, Mental Illness, OOC, Self-Harm, Self-Indulgent, Starshipping, i feel bad for anyone reading this, i hope you like judai with STPD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-06-01 01:22:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6495271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/variasmist/pseuds/variasmist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a kind of self-indulgent vent fic involving a mentally ill Jaden struggling with self-harm. Good thing Yusei's there to comfort him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blisters

I looked down at my thighs, burns already blistering, filling with fluid; I winced as I peeled the hot metal from the lighter off my skin. Another mark already welling up, a stinging heat radiating from the new burn. Biting my lip I threw the lighter across the room before i could do anymore harm. I hated this, I hated feeling like this; I just wanted it all to stop. It was dizzying, nauseating, I just wanted to scream, but I knew nothing would escape my lips. I would cry if I were capable of that, I wasn’t capable of much these days. All I did now was lie around and wrestle with my mind, it was utterly exhausting. I felt a nagging in the back of my mind, telling me how stupid I had been this past hour, how self harm wasn’t the answer and that the people I loved wouldn’t love me after this. They all knew, they knew everything I did; and they all resent me for it. I stayed like that for a while, kind of tuning out the yelling in my head, staring blankly at my bedroom door for what could have been hours, I honestly couldn’t tell how long it had been, I didn’t even notice I was staring; I had already checked out from reality. A sharp banging pulled me from my trance, the sound of keys jingling following soon after. 

“Shit,” I jumped from the bed, ignoring the pain of my legs and threw on an old pair of jeans quickly. 

“Hey Jaden?” It was Yusei, he was calling from the living room, I figured it would be rude to ignore him; that would only cause unneeded suspicion and I did not need that right now. “Babe?” He called again, a little louder this time. 

Signing I made my way to the living room, trying to ignore the blisters on my legs rubbing against my jeans, “Hey bab,” i called back once he saw me, I gave him a small smile and he smiled back; god I felt fucking awful. Seeing him with that sincere expression made my chest ache, I’m such a worthless, stupid partner. He really didn’t deserve someone as pathetic as me. “How was your day?” 

Yusei places a plastic bag on the kitchen counter, “it was okay I guess, there was this rude lady at the shop this morning, it was hectic,” He laughs as he recalls the memory. “She kept complaining about everything, nothing was good enough for her. I guess she knew nothing about cars though, she went on about parts that didn’t even exist,” He was smiling as he spoke. I felt sick. 

Yusei continued taking food items out of the bag, he probably went shopping after he was finished at the garage, that seemed like a good idea, actually; we were kind of low on food. He took out a small tub of ice-cream and held it up for me to see, “You know i’m lactose intolerant, right?” I snorted back, “how long have we been dating?”. 

Yusei started chuckling, “it’s dairy free, babe; don’t worry I remembered this time,” He placed the tub on the counter. I felt my face grow warm, now I really felt bad, he cared so much and I was so repulsive. He deserves so much better. 

I walked around to the kitchen counter where he was standing, still sorting out groceries, i wound my thin arms around his waist, resting my head on his back. He stopped what he was doing, placing a can of tomatoes back on the benchtop. We stayed like that for a minute, i felt so guilty i almost wanted to cry, instead I smiled; listening to the sound of his breathing. I moved away slowly, picking up the can of tomatoes and placing in on a shelf in the pantry, I heard Yusei sigh and he resumed putting away stuff, probably happy that I was helping him. It wasn’t much but I knew how hard he worked and he deserved all the help he got. “Did anything else happen at work?”

Yusei looked like he was caught off guard, he smiled, picking up a bag of pasta, “Not really, It was a pretty quiet day aside from that lady,” he threw the bag in the pantry, “actually Jack did accidentally spill his iced coffee all over his crotch after we told him not to sit on the broken stool,” he said through a chuckle, “I guess it was his fault for wearing white pants and ignoring all of Crow’s warnings”. 

I cover my mouth with the back of my hand and let out a small laugh, “To be honest, I’m not fucking surprised”. 

Yusei also looked amused, “He just went on about how we had no right in ‘telling him what to do’ and then when the uneven leg tipped out from under him he was so offended,” Yusei grinned, “I mean, he was really offended that the chair would betray his trust like that”. 

“That sounds about right,” I giggle, dusting off my hands now that all the food was put away I felt bad. Yusei would always go to the trouble of buying food and I rarely ate it, I barely ate anything these days. I was just never hungry, and I certainly hated eating; it just felt wrong. I felt something cold press against my cheek and jumped back actually a little startled. 

Yusei laughed quietly, holding the tub of ice-cream, I glared at him and he poked his tongue out, “Aw come on, Jaden,” before I could even respond he took out two spoons from a drawer, “I was thinking of watching a movie or something, whatever’s on Netflix I suppose”. 

I sigh, that actually sounded nice for once, I joined him in walking to the couch, i settled in next to him, taking the ice-cream off his hands so he could grab the remote. “What do you want to watch,” He turned to me.

I shrugged, “I guess I don’t really care, as long as it’s not Cars 2,” He laughed at my response, muttering something along the lines of ‘Cars 2 it is’, “Babe, don’t you dare!”. 

The mechanic turned his attention back to the T.V, flicking through all the suggested horror movies, I knew for a fact that Yusei would never watch a horror movie, he absolutely hated them and after I convinced him to see The Conjuring in theatres it took a whole month for him to trust me again. The poor thing. He finally stopped on the movie Stick It, I guess he knew I liked that movie as I had probably mentioned it before, now that I think about it. He placed the remote on the coffee table and sat back, placing an arm around me, squishing me closer. We sat in silence for about twenty minutes, the only sounds coming from our spoons clanking as we ate ice-cream. I couldn’t take this, I needed to leave. I just couldn’t be around him, not after what I did to myself. “I’m just going to the bathroom i’ll be right back,” I stated quietly, getting up quickly from my seat. I saw him nod, he looked a little confused but shook it off. Walking off quickly i made my way to the bathroom, undoing my jeans as I walked, I shut the door behind me, leaning against it trying to gather my thoughts. I stripped off my pants, surveying the damage, a lot of the blisters were broken and red, caused by the fabric of my jeans. I made my way to the sink cabinet for the antiseptic cream, i applied a small dab to each burn mark, straight up ignoring the sensation. I sat on the edge of the bathtub, staring at my legs. What did I do? These burns were certainly third degree and would scar, why did I think this was a good idea? Oh yeah, I didn’t. 

I didn’t hear the footsteps approaching, and I didn’t hear Yusei open the door and poke his head in, “is everything al-” he paused, he walked over, kneeling down beside me, “what happened?”.

I looked down, avoiding his concerned gaze, I couldn’t answer, he already knew what happened. Disgusting. A lump formed in my throat, I tried to swallow past it. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. 

He shook his head, wrapping me up in a tight hug, It caught me by surprise, I honestly expected him to say something mean and leave. That’s what I felt I deserved, but it never happened. My arms dropped to my sides, balling into fists. His black hair tickled my cheek and jaw, I smiled, it wasn’t warranted but then again I never had the appropriate response to anything. Yusei leaned back trying to initiate some sort of eye contact, I was always bad at that, he gave up and kissed my forehead. I tried pushing him away, he instead just picked me up, carrying me like I was nothing - and to be fair I was rather light. The mechanic carried me back to the lounge, placing me back down lightly. I opened my mouth to speak, he placed a finger over my mouth, “You don’t need to tell me anything, it’s okay I don’t hate you”. 

“But I-” 

Yusei smiled, “I could never hate you, you’re my boyfriend and I love you, no matter what happens,” he breathed “just tell me next time and i’ll buy some band-aids”.


End file.
